


Hiraeth

by imessedupmylastone



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Falling In Love Again, Ian works at a bar, Multi, Pain, Past Relationships, Slow Burn, alternate universe - band au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 22:52:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11884530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imessedupmylastone/pseuds/imessedupmylastone
Summary: You can never really name it, but it’s such a beautiful and familiar feeling, like a warm wave washing over you. Ian always felt that was shortly followed by a different feeling though. There always seemed to be a sad nostalgia that followed the happiness, because that moment that you’d hold so close, it was over. And that’s what it felt like, looking into those blue eyes again.





	1. Flames

**Author's Note:**

> Hiraeth - a welsh word meaning to feel a longing or homesickness for something that is lost.

They say that love lasts forever, even when relationships end. Perhaps it wasn’t like that though. Ian had a theory that relationships didn’t really end, they’re simply pushed away. Just because you stop being friends with someone, that doesn’t mean that all of those feelings went away. You don’t lose the memories, or the laughter, or the inside jokes. Perhaps that’s what happens when you love someone. You may stop seeing each other, but you remember the looks, the feel of them, the way your heart sped up when you look at them. In that sense though, perhaps it was possible to pick up where you left off, because while there’s that lingering hurt from the end, there was every moment before that. If you tried hard enough, perhaps you could start over with someone. 

It was almost like a spark or a flame, as Ian’s good friend, Julio, would have described it. Like when you smell something that works like a trigger, taking you back to a specific childhood memory. You can never really name it, but it’s such a beautiful and familiar feeling, like a warm wave washing over you. Ian always felt that was shortly followed by a different feeling though. There always seemed to be a sad nostalgia that followed the happiness, because that moment that you’d hold so close, it was over. And that’s what it felt like, looking into those blue eyes again.

 

-

 

The glass slid across the bar with a sort of ease that came naturally to Ian after all of these years, stopping perfectly in front of the blonde girl that sat to his right. Her eyebrows raised, impressed by the action as a small smile fell onto her lips, and she lifted the glass. Svetlana, his boss, hated when he did that, slid the drinks to customers. It was a liability to her, too expensive to replace glasses when someone would try to copy him. He hardly saw how that was his problem though. He was damn good at his job, and he knew it.

Years ago, Ian had moved into a small apartment in New York, desperate for a new start that didn’t involve any familiar faces. The solution was to completely start over, new city, new job, new life. It was a solution that worked out pretty well for him too. He found a small bar, a hidden gem, and applied for work. The lady working there had been desperate, and made a deal with him. If he brought in some new customers, she’d start giving him more shifts. Needless to say, that’d worked out pretty well, and shortly after came his co-worker, and best friend, Julio.

“Nice shot Gallagher,” the girl smiled, “the aim was pretty good too.” She grinned. She wasn’t a regular, which told Ian they were in for a real treat tonight. Karen Jackson was a reporter for a local blog, half gossip, half music, based on what the musician was willing to spill. She only came if it was truly worth her time though, telling Ian that whoever was playing tonight was going to put on one hell of a show.   
“So, who’s the big deal tonight? I saw the opening bands, but didn’t recognize anyone.” Ian asked, leaning against the counter. He shouldn’t be taking a break with the bar just starting to fill up, but he couldn’t help but be interested. Karen always had a good eye for who was on the rise to make it big, and Ian was always captivated by the beautiful music. 

“Smaller band, they’re not from around here. Chicago based actually, like you.” She smiled again and tapped the side of her glass before sending it back to him, looking for a refill. “Hiraeth. I like the name, but I like their sound even more. I have a feeling something big is coming from these guys.” She looked to the stage where the first opening bad was setting up their equipment. 

“So, are you saying we’re in for a treat?” A new voice came, and Ian grinned. Julio made his way to the counter, sending Ian a look as he started attending to the customers. They’d met through this job three years ago, and hit it off pretty well. Julio was a man much smaller than Ian, and young enough. He may have been 23, but Ian still had a good two years on him, and tried to claim it as experience, even though some days the boy could give him a run for his job. At first Svetlana had hired him for his looks, hoping to bring in more girls, with his dark curls and even darker eyes. He held a sweet smile, a soft voice, and the smallest hint of a Spanish accent that rarely came out, making him a gold mine. Still, he surprised her by showing more skill right off the bat then Ian had started with.

“My music is always a treat,” Karen grinned, “in many ways. I do believe you’ve both dated a few members of these bands that play here.” She reminded them. 

“To be fair though, none of them have worked out,” Ian pointed out. Julio nodded in agreement. Neither one of the boys were good in the relationship department, but for different reasons. Ian had been too much for people to handle, and Julio was all too kind, making him easy to walk all over. 

“That’s not my fault in any way.” 

“Actually, I do believe one was your fault. If I remember right you spilled some details about mine and Cheyenne’s relationship,” Julio reminded her, sending a look her way. Her face tinted red, but she held her ground.

“You know that she was shitty. I was doing you a favor.” He rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue. She was a really crappy person, who’d had no problems with sleeping with other people during their relationship. It wasn’t the first time it’d happen to Ian’s friend, and honestly, Ian was proud of Karen for calling the girl out on it. 

“They just didn’t have the spark, right?” Ian asked his friend, who smiled and nodded. Julio was obsessed with the idea that the moment you meet the right person, you’ll feel a sort of spark, a flame. That’s how you’d know they were the one you were meant to fight for.

“No spark.” The boy confirmed. 

“I think you’ll like this one Julio. The lead singer, she’s single and could be good for you. I’ve met her and the girl is all fire, but she’s nice.” Karen smiled as the band started to do sound check. Ian slid her the drink he’d refilled, and she downed it, slapping it back on the table before standing. She stretched her hands over her head then grabbed her camera from the bar.

“What’s the band?” Julio asked, not having heard the conversation before.

“Hiraeth.” She smiled, slipping the camera around her neck. “I’ll catch up with you two afterwards. I’ll just tell Svet that I’m sticking around until closing time.” She waved before turning and slipping away into the quickly growing crowd and heading towards the stage. They could only see the stage if they’d stood at the very end of the bar, leaning over it just enough, due to the fact that the whole bar and music hall was made of two rooms, the bar being in a different one, and the stage being on a platform. Ian didn’t mind though, he was more in it for the music than the performance. Besides, if some attractive band member happened to have wanted a hook up, it wasn’t Ian making the first move.

“Hiraeth.” Ian whispered, thinking over the word. It was different, almost foreign sounding on his tongue. He smiled, deciding he liked the sound of it as he passed a drink to someone across the bar. The first note was heard in the room over, shortly followed by the sound of screaming. It wasn’t unusual for teenage girls to come to the music hall for a show. They usually just marked their hands for kids under twenty-one, and double-checked ID’s. 

“How are you New York?” a low whisper came, followed by more screaming. “we’re gonna start you guys out right. If you’ve heard of us I know you’ll recognize this one. If you haven’t, where the fuck have you been? Anyways, this one’s called Sunset Freckles.” A girl’s voice said. The crowd went wild, and the first note kicked in. It was low and sent a small chill down Ian’s spine that he liked. Her voice, the notes, they all had a sense of nostalgia that came with them. Ian could see why they were so popular among the crowd, even for an opening band. 

“Excuse me!” a voice yelled, catching Ian’s attention. He turned to the right, seeing a taller man standing in front of him. He was beautiful at first glance, but Ian wouldn’t go for that type. He was wearing a suit, his blonde hair sleeked back with too much gel. He had a sort of confidence radiating off of him as well, but not the attractive kind. No, Ian liked people with more of a story, someone you could tell worked to be where they are.

“What can I get ya?” 

“One scotch, and a beer.” The guy said, pulling out his wallet, and sliding some money to Ian. The red head shoved the bills in his pocket, turning around to get the beer and scotch. He quickly poured the one drink, then handed the glass and the beer to the man, who looked at him for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing together. “Do I know you?” Ian looked the guy up and down, his tailored suit, nice hair, and strong cologne.

“No, I don’t think so.” Ian practically yelled back over the noise. The man hesitated, but nodded. “I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but this doesn’t look like your crowd.” Ian said, making the man nod and let out a sigh. This guy stuck out like a sore thumb in this crowd, and the indie punk music wasn’t helping at all.

“It’s not. My fiancé is in the band. I’m only hear because he didn’t want to get stuck in traffic in a taxi with his drunk of a sister.” The guy said, obviously not very interested in anything that was going on. The gesture sounded nice enough, but the way he said it irked Ian just a bit. He turned away as Julio bumped into him, carrying two glasses, and almost spilling them. 

“Watch where you are going!” A girl yelled, causing Ian to smile. On nights when stuff got really busy, Svetlana often joined them, or rather lectured them while making drinks. She strutted out, wearing her usual over-revealing outfit, and strode to the counter, taking an order while tapping Julio on the back of the head. 

“Tell Ian that! It’s not my fault he’s been mingling instead of working,” the boy smiled, causing Svet to raise an eyebrow. Ian flipped his friend the bird before turning to take another customers order. 

“I am surprised you came to work tonight Ian.” Svetlana said, joining his side as they both went to pour something. “I thought you would have taken the night off at least.” Ian paused, turning to her in confusion. She stopped, her eyes wide, and gave him an incredulous look. “Do not tell me you forgot your brother’s birthday.”

“Oh shit.” Ian muttered, setting the drinks down. Him and Lip had a tradition. Every time it was one of their birthdays they would go out and get trashed, cursing the years and their passing into the early hours of the morning. Svetlana rolled her eyes, taking the cups out of Ian’s hands.

“Go out back and call him. You have ten minutes top.” She said sternly. He nodded, running to the edge of the bar, then to the big, dark, metal door with the green exit sign over it. It was as quiet as New York nights got around this time of the year, at least in this part of the city. From the street cars were honking, mixing with the music from inside the bar, creating its own noise all together. Lip lived in the quieter part of the city, having gotten some lucky job at a start-up company a while back. IT didn’t take him long to take over the business. Ian pulled out his phone and dialed Lip’s number.

“You dick.” Lip said immediately, causing Ian to sigh and rub his eyes.

“I know, I know. I got caught up. Can we do tomorrow?” Ian tried, making Lip let out a laugh.

“Right, I’ll just reschedule my birthday. No biggie.” Ian could practically hear the eye roll over the phone. “Whatever, I’ll meet you tomorrow at your place.” Lip sighed, immediately hanging up afterwards. Ian smiled, counting it as a victory as he pulled the metal door back open and entered the bar again. The crowd had dispersed and the bar had filler up more, indicating the band had finished their set, and the next was readying for theirs. 

“Ian!” Julio called, “get your ass over here, we’re packed.” His friend yelled, and Ian snapped into bar-tending mode. He ran to the bar, making drinks left and right. A female voice called for someone’s attention, and Ian turned, the smile one is face freezing. 

“Mandy?” Ian asked in surprised, watching the girl in front of him pause as well. She looked shocked for a moment, only to follow it up by practically jumping the counter to hug him. He smiled, hugging his old friend back, as she laughed.

“If it isn’t the disappearing Ian. So, this is where you disappeared to?” she asked, looking around. “I didn’t take you for the New York City type.” 

“You either. Why are you here?” He asked, causing her smile to widen.

“You did just hear our set, didn’t you?” she grinned, making his mouth drop. Mandy was the lead singer of Hiraeth, that was why the voice sounded so familiar to him. He’d already known it for so many years.

“No shit.” He grinned, “One of my people, in a band of her own.” 

“One?” She smiled, looking and pointing across the bar. She waved, and Ian followed her eyesight to the boy in the chair. The blonde guy? No, the one he had his arm snaked around. Ian’s heart dropped and skipped a beat all at once, because no this wasn’t a dream. That was all he’d ever seen Mickey in for the past seven years, dreams. Yet here he was, someone’s arm around his waist, and his blue eyes locked on Ian. Seven years, and Ian had forgot what it felt like until that moment.

He felt a flame.


	2. A Tan Where A Ring Should Be

In those seconds in between stares, Ian felt his whole world come to a stop, and it seemed the same had happened for Mickey. Their eyes were locked on each other, testing to see if this was real life or just another dream. Ian could see that Mickey’s shoulders had broadened a bit since his teenage years, and his hair had grown out a bit, but he was still the same Mickey. Even from across the bar, Ian could see those pools of blue, reflecting back the purple lights of the bar that danced on his pale skin. 

“You have to come say hi!” Mandy smiled, causing him to snap out of his small daze and turn to her, confused. His eyes were wide, but he wasn’t sure if it was from fear or surprise at the statement, but he didn’t have time to think about it. Mandy was already tugging at his sleeve, pulling him towards her brother, who looked like he was going to be sick at any moment. Ian could only watch as Mickey subconsciously moved a little closer, his waist slipping away from the blonde man’s arm, just a fraction. The whole while, Ian wasn’t sure he blinked. It was probably only a five second walk to the other part of the bar, but it felt like a lifetime. And Ian was blinking, the words and world around him fuzzy until Mandy nudged him, a grin on her face. “Are you going to just stand there and be weird, or are you going to say hello?” Ian swallowed, looking back into Mickey’s wide eyes. 

“Hey Mick,” it was the first time in years that he’d even bothered speaking that name, and it still rolled off of his tongue like it was meant to be there. The thought alone made him smile the smallest amount, “how’ve you been?” Mickey paused, almost studying him, his eyes narrowed and lips pressed into a straight line. Ian couldn’t help but look him over again, his new yet familiar look. He still wore torn up black jeans, and the same tattoos lay on his hands, but he was different. His hair was longer on top, sleeked back with the perfect amount of gel, allowing certain streaks to fall into his face, and he wore a nice shirt, with an even nice cologne. The cologne was the part that hit Ian though, because there it was. That was the smell that took him back to the age of sixteen, sneaking into the baseball field at two in the morning. 

Mickey let out a small laugh, almost exasperated sounding, his head dropping as a small smile took to his face. When he did look up, his eyes met Ian’s one more time before the smaller boy took a breath. He reached over, grabbing the whiskey from in front of the blonde, placing the glass to his lips, and throwing his head back and downing the entire thing. When the glass hit the table with a small bang, Mickey looked up one last time at Ian. He shook his head, the smile gone and his eyes sad, before he grabbed his jacket and turned. He weaved himself from the blonde’s arm, making his way towards the exit before Ian realized what was happening. 

 

~

 

“This is a horrible idea,” Ian whispered, watching as Mickey scaled the fence with ease and land in the dirt on the other side. He turned, his eyes holding challenge, and his lips a smirk. “we’re going to get caught.” 

“We’ll only get caught if you scream,” Mickey smirked, turning and walking away towards the dugout. Ian hesitated, looking over the tall fence, before finally giving in. If this was Mickey’s idea of a date, he seriously had issues they needed to deal with. Still, Ian grabbed the fence, which was shaking and barely staying up as it was, and started climbing. He made it to the top, looking down and holding his breath before he took the jump. He would’ve landed it perfectly had it not been for a rock, which caused his ankle to roll and for him to crash to the ground, a small whimper of pain escaping his mouth. Almost immediately, a figure was at his side, pulling him into a sitting position. 

“Are you ok?” A voice came, rushed and filled with worry. Ian bit his lip and nodded, despite the fact that he knew it would be swollen in the morning. He could only think of that for a fraction of a second though before his mind went blurry with Mickey. The boy was to his side, leaning over him to lightly pick up his leg with the most delicate fingers and examine his ankle. His face was all wrinkled up in the way it got when he was worried, and his fingers were warm against Ian’s cold leg. “It’s not broken, but you probably sprained it.” 

“I’m fine,” Ian sighed, moving to try to stand up before another pain shot through his leg and he was back on the ground again. Mickey frowned, grabbing Ian’s arm to stop him from trying again.  
“You’re not fine, you need to put ice on that.” He said it so softly, his hand resting oh so gently on Ian’s arm. The red-head’s mind was spinning, and he felt high from the smell of Mickey’s cologne, a sweet yet musky smell that worked like a drug. In that moment Ian made a mental note to mention that he was cold later and “borrow” one of the boy’s hoodies. 

“So, no dugout?” Ian asked, making the smile return to Mickey’s face. 

“Maybe next weekend, dare devil.” He grinned more, pushing off the ground to stand up and brush the dirt from his jeans. Then he held a hand out to Ian, “you can lean on me on the way back.”

 

~

 

Ian looked to Mandy, sending her an apologetic look before he turned and walked out from behind the bar, making his own way to the exit. The crowd was dense, and girl’s paused, gawking at Mickey, who stormed out and let the door close behind him. Ian finally cleared the crowd, avoiding the eyes of Julio and Svetlana, who gave him a look of ‘where the hell are you going?’ before exchanging their own confused one.

The metal door led back to the street, which was all traffic this time, the band inside still setting up. Cars and distance laughter filled Ian’s ears, along with muffled ads from stores down the road, and the occasional rain drop on the red canopy that lay above the exit door. It was dark, but the lights of the buildings and cars around him showed Mickey, standing and leaning against the building next door. He was trying to light a cigarette, to no avail, his hands shaking and he was muttering the occasional frustrated noise. Ian walked towards him, pulling his own lighter from his pocket.

“Need a light?” He asked quietly, and he wasn’t even sure Mickey heard him until the boy stopped trying with a frustrated huff. His hands dropped to his side, the cigarette hanging from his mouth before he turned his head the slightest amount and looked at Ian. 

“Not from you.” He said, but his voice wasn’t the same. It was matured, and sad sounding. It was too much like the last time they’d seen each other. 

“It’s just a light Mickey.” Ian muttered, causing Mickey to hesitate. He looked at Ian, almost as if he was deciding if Ian was a wild animal that would attack him if he made the wrong move. Finally, he decided that it was safe enough. 

“Ok.”

Click, light, and a soft glow illuminated Mickey’s face. He took the cigarette and inhaled, letting out a shaky breath before turning back to the street. It was quiet then, the two of them just standing there for a moment before Mickey finally spoke again. 

“Seven fucking years.” He whispered, not making eye contact with Ian, but he didn’t need to. Ian knew exactly what he was talking about.

“I know.”

“You disappear for seven fucking years without a single goodbye or word as to where you went, and I find you in a bar I’m working a gig at. Wasn’t even my idea, Mandy said that she’d met a nice brunette boy here and wanted to return. Should’ve said no.” The words hurt, but Ian understood where he was coming from. Ian did disappear for a long time, and he hadn’t said a word to Mickey about where he’d go or when they’d see each other again. He’d just up and left Chicago, leaving everyone behind with it. 

“Mic-” Ian started to talk, but the door to the bar opened, catching both of the boy’s attention. They turned to see Julio, who stuck his head out and looked around before he spotted Ian. 

“Hey Ian, Svet wants you back in here, we can’t keep up with all the orders.” Julio called. Ian knew he needed to go back in, but it felt like if he left, he may never see Mickey again. This was all so surreal that he didn’t want to risk losing it, all because of a few customers. 

“I’ll be in soon!” He called back, causing Julio to nod and smile. Ian turned, ready to finish his sentence, but when he turned back around Mickey was gone, and all that lay in his place was a glowing cigarette on the ground. 

 

-

 

Mickey needed to clear his head, but it turned into him simply walking around New York City in the early hours of the morning. It was raining just a little, but enough for Mickey to allow himself to cry, knowing he could just blame it on the rain, even if no one would believe him. He wasn’t even sure where he was, why he was crying, or how long he had been. He just knew that he walked until his legs started to hurt, and he had ignored the incessant buzzing of his phone in his pocket. There was no doubt that Iggy, Mandy, and Jack had been wondering where he disappeared off to. He was a grown Chicago boy though, and he knew he could take care of himself. Pull out his phone though, he noticed a few others recognized it too. Mandy had told him to be safe and text her when he got home, followed by some drunk messages, Iggy had sent him a meme, but it was Jack that blew up his phone. There were phone calls, voicemails, texts, and even an email. Mikey rolled his eyes and shoved his phone back into his pocket, feeling it clink the item in his pocket. 

Mickey sighed, reaching into the pocket and pulling out his engagement ring. He’d forgotten to put it back on after the show, something he never wore his ring for. Firstly, it was none of their fans business that he was engaged, that was his personal life and he preferred it to stay that way. Secondly, he couldn’t wear it when he played his guitar, as it would catch and make noises on the stings. He considered putting it back away for a moment, but as he held it a small flash of red popped into his mind-shortly followed by freckles. 

Mickey put the ring on and turned to the street, hailing a cab. 

 

-

 

Twenty minutes later and Mickey was sneaking into his apartment, the lights all being off. He didn’t want to wake Jack, who was already in bed at this time, and slowly made his way to the bedroom. Just as he suspected, Jack was already in their bed the blankets pulled over him, and Mickey decided he should get some sleep too. He walked to the closet, stripping off his shirt and pants, replacing them with pajamas. He hated sleeping in bed next to Jack without pajamas. It was too cold. He sighed and walked to the bed, crawling into it and laying down. 

After a minute, Jack twisted around, looking at Mickey through sleepy blue eyes. “You’re finally home.” He whispered, and Mickey nodded. “You didn’t answer my messages.”

“My phone died,” Mickey lied. Jack sighed and nodded, twisting further so he could drape an arm over Mickey.

“I had to take Mandy home. You know I hate doing that when she gets drunk.” He mumbled, causing Mickey to sigh. Jack never liked Mandy, saying she was always too wild, too much. He believed she was a teenager who decided to never grow up and do something with herself. Mickey knew otherwise.

“Sorry.” Mickey whispered, “I needed to think,” but no reply came because Jack had already fallen back asleep. Mickey rolled over, facing the other way and moving the blanket so Jack’s arm fell off his shoulder. He took off his ring, setting it on the nightstand, and closed his eyes, trying to think of anything but Ian.

And yet it was the red-head he fell asleep to. 

 

-

 

By the time the doorbell rang to the small studio apartment, Ian hadn’t even gotten out of bed, and he sure as hell didn’t plan to. It only took a few minutes before Lip walked into the room, sighing when he saw Ian. 

“Should I go?” He asked softly. Ian knew how this looked. It was going and he was in bed, unmoving and a wreck. It looked as if he’d hit another low, but that wasn’t it at all. It wasn’t that he was depressed, he just couldn’t stop thinking for the life of him. His mind had been running since he got home, all filled with Mickey. Mickey’s voice Mickey’s hair. Mickey’s eyes. Every little bit of him was covering the corners of Ian’s mind. 

“No,” he mumbled, turning to sit up. His brother was in a nicer outfit, or as nice as it ever got for Lip. He must have come straight from work. “I need something to drink.” Lip nodded, and Ian moved over, allowing his brother to sit next to him and open the vodka bottle. This took Ian back as well, but to a different kind of place. The Gallagher household had never been something to think of with a loving feeling, but rather something that existed. It was more of an unfriendly reminder of all the shit that they’d gone through. 

“Rough week?” Lip asked, taking the first drink and cringing at the taste before washing it down with another one. Ian laughed, taking the bottle.

“Rough night.” He held the bottle to his lips and taking as much as he could all at once. Lip watched with a mixture concern and a little bit of impress. Ian handed the bottle back, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Jesus, you look like a mess. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you saw a vampire or a ghost.” He smiled, but Ian wasn’t I the mood for laughing. 

“Close enough. I saw Mickey Milkovich.” Lip froze with the bottle half way to his lips and looked at his brother. Ian didn’t talk about Mickey, and he hadn’t for a good six or seven years. It was a topic he knew not to bring up, and something almost no one knew about. “He’s in a band with Mandy. You remember her, black hair and crazy as shit? Anyways they were playing at the bar.”

“Shit.” Lip wasn’t really saying it to any part in particular. 

“He’s engaged.” Ian spoke the words, barely getting them out. He’d been mauling over that part all night in his mind. Mickey engaged. It should make sense. They hadn’t seen each other in so long, it was only a matter of time before Mickey would have moved on, and yet it didn’t feel right. In his mind, Ian had always thought of Mickey as his, even if he never was. No one kept Mickey, he did that all on his own. Perhaps a small part of Ian wished that wasn’t true though. 

Lip handed the bottle back to Ian without another thought. He looked almost sad for Ian which hurt. He didn’t want pity. This was his fault after all, he was the one that started this all by picking up and moving out of nowhere. At the time, it had even made sense, seeming like the right thing to do. At the time, he told himself he was making it easier by not saying goodbye before he’d walked out the door. Now though it seemed like he threw away something beautiful. 

“You need this more than I do.” Lip mumbled. Ian nodded, taking a drink as his phone buzzed, lighting up with an unknown number. He reached for it, reading the text before sighing even more. “Who is it?”  
“Mandy.” Ian mumbled, feeling that pitter patter come back into his chest as he thought of Mickey being somewhere, only a step away. He knew it wasn’t that easy, but Ian could dream. “and she wants to meet up.”

Ian took another drink before texting back with a yes.


	3. Will you get me

When Mickey awoke, it surprised him none that it was far passed mid-day and Jack had already left for work. He was always putting work first, something that annoyed Mickey to a certain extent. Sometimes he wished that he could be the number one priority in Jack’s life, but it always seemed to be his job. Mickey had brought it up to him once or twice before but was always met with the same ‘we would have never met if it wasn’t for my job’. Sure, it was a cute excuse at first, but after four years of being together, it seemed to be old and reused. 

Mickey had met Jack because of Mandy, back when she used to work as a small secretary. There’d been this big business party that she was invited to, some place in New York. Mickey had reluctantly agreed to going after a few weeks of turning her down, but only because she kept talking up this guy, her boss. She went on about how kind, handsome, and wealthy he was, but Mickey knew that wasn’t why she wanted them to meet. It had been three years, and Mickey had still been hung up on Ian, waiting like any day the red-head would walk right back into his life. That wasn’t going to be the case though, and deep-down Mickey knew it. So, he went to the party, and he met Jack, and for just a fraction of a moment he forgot about Ian. Mickey figured that was enough for him, a permanent distraction. 

Mickey shook that thought out of his head, reminding himself that he loved Jack, not Ian. Maybe once, a long time ago, he felt that for the red-headed boy, but those feelings have long since faded away. Nothing stuck around like that, not for Mickey. There was no such thing as re-sparking things, or reverting to the past, because the past was dead. 

He slid out of the bed, looking around the bedroom that was too white, too bare, despite his protests to change it. Eventually he’d given up, living with the overly clean white that made him feel so out of place, and let it be. He shook his head again, moving to the closet and opening it to reveal many suits and workout clothes, but if he moved in further to the right, he saw his stuff, much more casual. Under his clothes were some old things that Mickey wanted to keep but didn’t have a place for. In the very corner, purposefully shoved to the back was a box, small and a faded red color, filled with photos. The box sat on top of his old polaroid camera, a gift from Mandy when he was seventeen. Mickey grabbed his shirt and closed the closet. He didn’t care to think about the past when it didn’t affect his current living. That period in his life was over with and it was better left that way. In the past. 

With a glance at his phone he noticed it was it up with a text from Mandy. He ignored the message from Jack, telling him that he’d be home late, and opened Mandy’s message. She’d invited him to go to a smaller bar that night, one that she said was worth it. He considered this. On one hand Jack would definitely give him shit for being out all night if he went with Mandy, but on the other he never gave a fuck what Jack thought of him. He sent a yes as he slid on his shoes and headed out the door to go get some coffee. 

Mickey may have only lived in the city for a short period of time, only since him and Jack got engaged a few months ago, but the first thing he did was find a coffee shop. It was nice and warm inside, reminding him of one that he used to like in Chicago. It was clean and almost always empty, and there were books and fires. It was basically as close to heaven as Mickey could imagine New York being. So, he made a point to grab coffee before he went to Mandy’s place, as it was on the way. 

He pulled open the door and headed straight towards the counter, smiling at the kind blonde boy that always seemed to be working. The boy immediately started to work on Mickey’s drink, having it memorized by now. The door rang behind him, indicating the only other customer in the small place had walked in. Mickey reached into his pocket as the boy punched in his order, reaching for money before he paused. His pocket was completely empty.

“Shit,” he whispered, searching his other pocket, “shit, shit, shit.” He’d forgotten his wallet at the apartment. 

“Still forgetting your wallet?” a voice behind him chuckled, causing Mickey to think a much larger string of profanity before he turned, coming face to face with Ian. The red-head turned to the blonde boy, “add a small latte to that order, and I’ll pay for it.” 

“I don’t need your charity.” Mickey frowned, looking away before he wouldn’t be able to. 

“I’m completely aware of that. You’ve never needed anyone to depend on,” Ian mumbled, and for a small second all Mickey could think was ‘I needed you’. “However, I doubt you could’ve paid for that without money.” Mickey frowned, knowing he had no way of retaliating because it was true. In all honesty, Ian saved him from an awkward trip home. 

“You stalking me now Gallagher?” he decided upon instead. Ian rolled his eyes, but smiled a small smile nonetheless.

“I would never. I’m just getting coffee before I head to Mandy’s. We’re going out to catch up tonight.” Mickey paused, taking the drink from the blonde, before he slowly looked at Ian from the corner of his eye. 

“She invite you to a bar too?” Mickey asked, not really wanting to know the answer to the question. Of course, Mandy would invite Ian out with them. 

“She didn’t tell you…” Ian frowned, realization rushing over him. For a moment Mickey could have sworn he looked disappointed and shrunk down, almost like a small teenager instead of a man in his twenties. “If you don’t want me there I complete understand.”

“Jesus, you’re still as fucking dramatic as ever.” Ian had been handed his drink, and almost without realizing it the two started to walk out together. “I sure as hell don’t want you there, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go you baby. Mandy wants to see you obviously.” His tone was harsher than he meant for it to be, and even Ian looked a little taken back. They paused just outside the shop, staring at each other in shock. While this felt so familiar, it also felt like completely uncharted territory. 

“I get it.” Ian whispered, “Have fun tonight. Enjoy the coffee.” Mickey looked to his drink, and paused. After all of this time Ian still knew that all Mickey would drink from coffee shops was actual coffee. The thought threw him off, even though it shouldn’t have, and he found himself regretting his harshness. When he looked up, Ian was walking away.

“Gallagher!” Mickey found himself calling out, watching as Ian paused. “If we’re both going why don’t we just go together? You know, save the environment shit.” It was a stupid excuse, but Ian turned around. Mickey wasn’t sure why he called out to Ian, but it was probably the feeling he got watching Ian walk away.

 

-

 

One, two, three knocks on the door before Mandy opened it up. She looked nicer than usual, with her makeup all done up, and her hair curled. She usually never wore it like that, which threw Mickey off a little. A small noise sounded from the back of the apartment, and both Ian and Mickey paused. 

“You have someone here?” Mickey wondered out loud, pushing her over a little so him and Ian could enter her apartment. She smiled, happily moving aside, and letting the two enter the apartment. Sitting on the couch, not making a noise was a smaller boy, playing on his phone. Mickey recognized it to be the boy that called out to Ian last night.

“Julio?” Ian asked in surprise, causing the boy to look up, jumping a little. A small red tint had covered his cheeks, making Mandy smile as she skipped back to the couch and jumped onto it. 

“Hey Ian.” Julio said softly, then his eyes fell onto Mickey and they widened. Ian had told Julio about Mickey before, but it wasn’t something he talked about often. He knew who Mickey was though, and everything that had gone on so it was pretty surprising to see Ian and Mickey together. Mandy seemed to notice the weird tension in the room as well, and grabbed Julio, pulling him off the couch.

“Come on I need to get drunk,” she smiled, pulling the others with her towards the door. 

 

-

 

After all of these years and Mickey still hated clubs. Mandy liked them and often dragged him into them, but he always wound up in the corner. That was where he was tonight too, standing by a wall in the corner of the room, watching Mandy and her new boy-toy dancing together to the music. She’d dragged them all the way across town to go to some high-end club, that was just like the rest. It was getting late now though, and Mickey was even considering getting a cab home.

Then he saw Ian, the red-head jumping over and dancing with Mandy and Julio. They were all three laughing and moving to the music. For a small fraction of a second, Mickey could almost believe he was sixteen again and they’d gotten into a crappy club with their fake ID’s. And for the smallest of moments, Mickey had forgotten where he was. He forgot about the small ring on his finger, and the city, and even the crowd. In that moment, it was Mickey watching Ian like he had all of those years ago. His heart skipped a beat, pulling him back into reality. 

He wasn’t sixteen anymore. He was in his twenties, engaged, and standing alone in the corner of a room. It was like being hit with a pile of bricks, causing him to set down his drink and head towards the exit. He couldn’t stay in that room with them anymore, not if he wanted to keep his sanity intact. 

 

-

 

Almost an hour later was when Mickey finally got back to the apartment, his head light from the drinks he’d had. He let the door close, grimacing at the noise, followed by a light turning on. Almost as if on cue, Jack walked out in his pajamas. His arms were crossed, eyes hard with no sign of worry as Mickey stumbled in. 

“I see you finally decided to show up.” Jack said. “And smelling like a fucking bar too. Out with Mandy again?” 

“She was doing me a favor getting me drunk.” Mickey sighed, not really caring how the words effected Jack. The blonde sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he looked at Mickey. 

“She needs to grow up Mickey. You know that, so why do you insist on helping her fuck up her life more?” Mickey paused at those words, looking up to Jack. He hated when people talked about his sister like they knew her, or what their life used to be like. 

“I’m not that different from her.” Mickey sighed, “so what? Am I fucked up to you too?”

“Mickey, you know that’s not what I meant. It’s just that she’s a wreck, and I don’t want to see you end up like that.” Mickey stared at his fiancé incredulously. And in one motion, turned around, pulled the door open, and walked out, making sure it slammed behind him. Part of him wondered if maybe Jack would follow, but of course it was late and he knew Jack would just go back to bed. 

He walked outside, frowning as once again it had started raining. He couldn’t go back to his room tonight but he couldn’t call Mandy either. She’d be flat out drunk, and he didn’t think she’d be able to do anything. 

“Fuck,” Mickey sighed as he pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts. Finally, he came to the one he needed, and hit call, praying the number hadn’t changed. Almost as if by prayer, a voice came through the line, filled with worry.

“Mick?” 

“Ian.” He whispered, “please come get me.”


	4. Flames start fires

There was too much silence for the car ride to be comfortable, causing Mickey to frown. He kept trying to distract himself by looking out the window, but he could still feel Ian looking at him from the corner of his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he could feel the tension settle upon the car, right in between that three feet in between Mickey and Ian. 

It was without hesitance that Ian came to pick Mickey up with a short ‘ok’. He was there in only a few minutes, and it once again felt like they were both only teenagers again, back when Ian used to pick Mickey up from juvey. God, Mickey used to look forward to those days so much, the days that he could finally see Ian again. It wasn’t until Ian left that Mickey picked himself up. It was that realization that he’d have no one to run back to anymore. 

The car stopped.

Mickey looked up, realizing they were parked by a large apartment building. It was a little broken down, but it looked just nice enough, like the North Side of Chicago. For a moment, both of the boys paused, a small nostalgic feeling settling over them both as they looked up. Then Mickey turned to Ian, who was just staring at him with an odd expression. It had been a while, but Mickey still knew that look. Ian was looking at him like he was remembering something sweet. So, Mickey turned and opened the car door, getting out, and closed it before pausing.

“Do… Can I spend the night?” Mickey asked softly, not facing Ian, who let out a small breath and closed his own door. 

“Yeah.” 

 

-

 

“I’ll go get you some clothes. You can take a shower and sleep in the guest room.” Ian told Mickey before walking off in some random direction. Ian’s apartment was nice, and held a homely feeling to it. The furniture was almost all a deep brown color, and there were pale Christmas lights hung up around the rooms. It was warm too, and everything smelt like brown sugar, which made even Mickey smile a little. What made Mickey smile the most though was how there were little touches that made the place feel like a home. There was crappy art hung up on the walls with Debbie’s signature on them, and even smaller one’s with Liam’s. Lining the shelves were worn books, and photographs, people Mickey hadn’t seen in so long. 

He found himself walking around, looking at the photos on the walls and tracing his fingers along certain ones. There was one of Debbie and Carl, at their graduation, both of them holding up their diplomas happily. The next was of Fiona holding a baby, obviously taken in a hospital with her in a bed and a man Mickey barely recognized as Steve holding her hand, both of them grinning. It then went on to one of Mandy and Ian not too long before he left, both of them on swings, laughing as they tried to compete as to who could go higher. Mickey frowned as he remembered taking the photo on that day. And the last one caused Mickey to physically stop walking.

 

~

 

“C’mere.” Mickey whispered to Ian, who was smoking by his dirty window. The boy turned and looked over at him, stubbing out his cigarette on the already burnt wood before walking towards Mickey, who was sitting on his bed. “Sit down.”

“Ok?” Ian gave him a confused glance but smile anyways as he looked at Mickey, who held up a small camera. It was dark brown and black, an old polaroid on that Ian recognized to be Mickey’s mother’s. “I thought that was broken.”

“It was.” Mickey grinned, scooting closer. “Iggy and I saved up some money to get it fixed up, and I’ve decided I want my first photo to be with you.” He moved closer and grabbed Ian’s arm, pulling him backwards so they were both laying back on the bed, and held up the camera. He then turned to Ian, who lay so close that Mickey could see each of his faded freckles. “I love you.” 

Ian turned quickly to him, his eyes wide as Mickey took the photo. Mickey had been waiting to say anything really, not having said those words out loud to anyone. Right here though, that’s where he felt at home, and in that moment, it felt right. And Ian leaded over and kissed him.

Mickey took another photo. 

 

~

 

Right before him sat the photo of the first time that Mickey had told him he loved him. And Mickey felt his heart speed up when he turned to Ian, who stared at him with wide eyes, realizing that Mickey had seen the photo.

“Why did you keep that?” He asked, his voice breaking a little. Ian just stared at him. 

“Mick…”

“Don’t.” Mickey said, shaking his head, “Don’t call me that. Don’t act like you know me anymore. You left me Ian, so why did you keep the photo?” Ian took a step forward, closing the distance between them a little as he sat the clothes down on a coffee table. 

“I kept it because of you.” Ian said, running a hand through his hair. 

“A reminder of what you left?” Mickey asked bitterly through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowing as he looked Ian over. Ian shook his head, looking at Mickey with surprise in his dark eyes.

“No.” he shook his head again, “no, you were always more than a reminder Mickey.”

“Then why the fuck did you leave me?” Mickey sounded so much smaller than he meant to, his voice cracking again as a tear started to fall from his eye, closely followed by another one. He raised a hand to wipe them away, but they wouldn’t stop. He’d wanted to ask that question for seven years, and it seemed to have been eating him away the entire time he hadn’t. “I loved you and you left me Ian.”

“And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret that Mick.” Ian said, his eyes full of a raw honesty. Mickey paused for a moment, looking down as the tears continued to fall down his face in small splashes.

“But you did.”

“Mickey…” Mickey looked back up, and he couldn’t bring himself to be angry anymore. Instead he saw the boy in front of him, the one person that knew him best for years. The person that fought for him, fought with him. The person that he loved. “I know I’m not crazy. I know you’re still angry, but I know there’s still something here.”

“No.”

“Mick.”

“No,” he whispered, “no there’s not. I’m engaged.”

“Then why did you call me?” Mickey looked into Ian’s hurt eyes as he stepped forward again, and felt his own heart break just a little. Ian was trying so hard to keep it together when Mickey was already falling apart right in front of him. “You could have called anyone in this fucking city, and you called me Mick. Why me? If you’re so fucking ready to let me go then why-” but Mickey grabbed Ian, pulling them together until their lips met.

If Ian knew better he would have said it was simply the familiarity of the way they felt, and maybe Mickey would too, but they both said nothing. Instead they kissed and moved together and stumbled their way backwards into Ian’s bedroom, because neither one of them cared about what was going to happen later. Because all they could focus on was that spark between them that had turned into a flame that grew larger with each piece of clothing they shed. 

A flame that would start a fire.


	5. Counting Freckles

When Mickey woke up, he had no idea where the hell he was. This wasn’t his apartment, nor Mandy’s. It was warmer than that, and looking about he understood why. There were more lights in here, and every inch of the room was covered in a sign of happiness or life. It was Ian’s room. Mickey felt the anxiety rising in his chest, and his breathing increased as he slowly turned his head to the side. Next to him, Ian lay asleep, looking as peaceful as he always did when he was asleep. 

“Fuck,” Mickey whispered, biting his lip as he looked back up at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down. It was no use though, as no matter how tightly he closed his eyes, tears continued to spill out of them. It felt like hours that he lay there, wishing so badly that when he opened his eyes, he would be at home again. 

“Mick?” A small voice came from his side, and when he opened his eyes, he was looking at a worried Ian. “Are you ok?” Three words. Mickey wasn’t sure the last time someone had truly asked him those words. He’d heard them of course, but all from people who never expected more than ‘I’m fine’. Ian wasn’t like that though. They’d made a promise to each other many years ago that they would never tell each other a lie when it came to their mental health, and after all this time, it seemed it still applied. 

“No.” He whispered, sitting up. Ian moved back just enough, giving Mickey space if he wanted it. “This shouldn’t have happened Ian. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m fucking engaged to Jack, and you? You weren’t supposed to be part of the plan anymore.” Even though he was upset and mad though, Mickey felt himself leaning into Ian’s side, and sighed a little when a freckled arm came around him. 

“I’m sorry.” Ian whispered, and Mickey knew he meant it. “I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I’m sorry that I messed up your life more than I already had.” He was whispering the words, his chin resting on Mickey’s head. 

“This one is on me.” Mickey sighed softly. He watched as Ian’s free hand came around to intertwine with his own. Because despite everything that had happened, he still wanted to just hold Mickey’s hand like they used to, and Mickey wanted to hold his. Because Ian smelt like cinnamon and old cigarette smoke. Because Mickey wanted to count every freckle on Ian’s face. Because after all of this time, Mickey still felt more at home in Ian’s arms than he felt in the apartment he shared with his fiancé. 

“Maybe we can both take the blame for this one,” Ian offered. He was idly playing with Mickey’s fingers, twisting them and running his own rough fingers over them. Mickey couldn’t help but shiver at the touch, and he turned slightly, facing Ian. 

“I don’t regret it.” Mickey whispered, his voice barely audible to Ian, but it was enough. And Mickey’s hand rose to the side of Ian’s face, where it rested as Mickey searched Ian’s eyes. “I shouldn’t kiss you again. I might not be able to take this back or forget about it if I do.” 

“So, what are you going to do?” Ian asked, bringing his own hand up to rest against Mickey’s.

“I should go home. I should leave and never talk to you again. I should get married to Jack, and do what’s good for me, because you’ve never been the healthiest solution. We should never talk, and we should pretend this never happened.” Mickey spoke softly, moving a little so he could face Ian, cupping his face with both of his hands. “Ian Gallagher you’re like a drug that slowly consumes every fucking part of me.”

“I don’t regret it either.” Ian mumbled.

“And that is precisely my dilemma.” Mickey leaned forward, placing his lips gently against Ian’s forehead. When he pulled back however, Ian saw a look in his eyes that hurt him just enough to break his heart in two.

“You’re going to leave anyways though, aren’t you?” Ian asked. He couldn’t bring himself to be mad anymore. This was more than he could have ever asked of Mickey after he left him. In fact, it all seemed like this was one big dream, like none of it was real. 

“You know I have to.” Mickey gave a small laugh but it was broken. “I know I have to.”

“Do you want to?” Ian asked. Mickey pulled back just enough before leaning forward again, pressing his lips lightly to Ian’s. It wasn’t like their kiss last night, this one was soft and kind. And then Mickey was pulling back, and he was crawling off the bed, and he was grabbing his stuff off the floor. 

“I never want to leave you… don’t you get that by now?” Mickey asked. And then Mickey was gone.

 

-

 

It was cold outside. It didn’t help that Mickey had forgotten his coat at Ian’s house, but he certainly couldn’t turn back to him now. He was already walking back to the apartment, praying that Jack didn’t care enough to notice that he was gone all night. Or that he was in the same clothes that he wore when he left. 

Mickey was in luck though. Jack wasn’t even home when he got back to the apartment. There was a small note on the bed, explaining he went in for a meeting, and a small aspirin container next to it, probably in case Mickey had a hangover. No message saying, he worried. No ‘call me’. No ‘are you ok?’. Mickey scoffed, and threw the note back onto the bed before he went into the closet and grabbed himself a new pair of clothes to change into. He even considered taking a shower, but if he did that, the smell of cinnamon would disappear completely, and even Mickey wasn’t ready for that to happen just yet. 

“Damn it Gallagher,” Mickey whispered as he pulled out his phone and dialed Mandy’s number. She picked up after the first few rings.

“Mickey? Holy shit are you ok? You left so early and no one could find you. Ian and I were out looking for like an hour before he said that you called him for a ride.” Mandy spoke quickly, using that tone that only her and his mother could have achieved with him. Iggy occasionally came close enough though. 

“I’m fine.” Mickey said softly, his voice breaking a little on the last syllable. “Mandy I did something bad.”

 

-

 

“You did what?” Mandy asked in disbelief as Mickey recounted the tales of the night before, telling it as if it were a strange dream he had. “Mickey, I thought you were over Ian. You’re fucking engaged Mick.”

“I know! I know that it shouldn’t have happened, but I didn’t want to stop it! It’s Ian…” his voice was desperate, almost as if he was pleading for her to understand. If by some miracle, she seemed to, her face softening just a little as she reached out and placed a hand on his. 

“You don’t regret it?” She genuinely asked him.

“No, I don’t think I do Mandy.” Mickey gave a small smile, one that didn’t really hold any happiness. “How fucked up is that?”

“Jesus, Mick. It’s not fucked u but it’s not good either.” She sat back, rubbing her face with her hands, something she did when she was stressed or worried about something. “Do you still love him?”

“I’m not sure. I thought that I could get pass him, but then he was there. And everything was so much like it used to be, and I think I missed him. Mandy, I’m not sure I ever stopped loving him in the first place.”

“Do you love Jack?” She asked softly. He hesitated and she held up a small hand. “Don’t bother. You shouldn’t hesitate if you love someone. Just, don’t hurt yourself or let this go too far Mickey. I trust that you can figure this out, but don’t string two people along while you try to make a decision.”


	6. Dancing Flames

Mickey quickly slipped into what could be considered a small depressive state. His mind had been so overrun by everything that had happened that he stopped doing things all together. He laid in bed for a few days, telling Jack that he wasn’t feeling well. At that, Jack felt plenty justified to sleep in the guest room and avoid Mickey until he felt better. He’d always hated getting sick; it messed with his work schedule. So, Mickey would lay there for as long as he could, drinking coffee and ignoring phone calls from Ian, Mandy, and Iggy, all asking if he was ok. It was a nice little routine that lasted three days until Jack finally came into the room. 

“Ok I know you don’t feel good, but I need you up tonight.” He said, walking to the window and pulling the shades open, filling the white room with a blinding light. Mickey groaned and rolled over the smallest amount. “You already agreed to come with me for the party tonight. You know very well that some of the biggest names in business will be there, as well as a few startup companies that will be dying to get me on their team.”

“Do I have to go?” Mickey asked quietly, stuffing his face into a pillow. Jack sighed and walked to him, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through Mickey’s hair. 

“I’m sorry you don’t feel good Mikhailo, but you agreed to come. I need you there with me tonight. Besides, my boss will be there, and that woman loves you. You’re coming.” He lightly tapped his hand on Mickey’s shoulder, causing him to look up a bit. 

“Ok.”

 

-

 

“Where have you been?” Ian asked Karen as she slid into the bar stool. Her blonde hair was pulled back today and she had her makeup done nicely. 

“Ian Gallagher, I am here to deliver a message for you.” She slammed her hands onto the counter and smiled, leaning in closer as she spoke. “Your brother has requested your presence at the Clint Hotel tonight. Black tie. He’s making a large announcement concerning the company and he wants you to be there.”

“And I suppose you’re his arm candy for the night?” Ian raised an eyebrow, passing her a shot, which she downed and smiled. 

“Nope, I’m on duty tonight. Your brother is my arm candy for this one. Instead, I will be interviewing some of the larger names in music, as well as some up-and-coming bands that managed to get invited. It’s going to be one of the biggest events of the year, and I need you to come and support your brother like you usually do.” She pointed a finger at him and he rolled his eyes.

“I work tonight.” He said, shrugging a little. 

“Nope, I refuse to accept your excuse Gallagher.” She said, spotting Svetlana leaning against the corner of the bar, wiping her hands off with a rag. “Svet! Can I borrow your ginger for the night?” Svetlana looked up, looking over Ian for a moment before she shrugged.

“Fine, but you work double shift next week.” She smiled sweetly and walked towards them, patting Ian on the shoulder. “Maybe then you tell me why you’ve been moping around my bar all day. You’re killing happy vibes.”

“The only vibe in here is coming from that guy on the end of the bar, and he’s been staring at the same spot in front of him for ten minutes.” Ian rolled his eyes. 

“The thought that counts.” Svetlana reminded him, patting his shoulder. 

“Please tell me you’ll come,” Karen said sweetly, batting her eyes at Ian, who sighed and nodded just a little. She gave a small squeal of excitement and Ian couldn’t help but smile a little. “I’ll see you there, love!”

 

-

 

The place was incredibly fancy for Mickey’s taste, as he’d never been one for extravagant events. It took place in the ball room of a nice hotel, and everything was tinted gold. The floor was a soft marble and there was a large staircase in the far side of the room that led up to the main level of the place. Against each wall was a sort of table that held all kinds of foods and = at one table - a bar. Large chandeliers hung over the top of them, sparkling in the dim light of the room. At least the music was enjoyable though, playing soft acoustic songs, that Mickey easily recognized to be some of Mandy’s favorites. Suddenly, he wished she was there with him, relishing in the glamour of the place. Unfortunately, this part was invite only, and Jack would never have invited her in. 

“Mickey?” He looked to his side at Jack, who frowned immediately, “were you listening to anything I’ve been saying?” Mickey sighed and looked around at everyone dancing and putting on fake smiles.

“No. I’m sorry, my head is a little fuzzy.” He offered, but Jack only frowned more. 

“We’ll meet who we have to. I’ll take you home after that, and we can even stop by that little coffee shop you like so much.” He said the words softly, placing a small kiss to Mickey’s forehead.

“You know about the coffee shop?” Mickey asked suddenly, looking up at him. 

“Of course. I am your soon-to-be husband. I do recognize the things that make you happy.” He wrapped an arm around Mickey, leading him towards a group of people, one of whom Mickey recognized to be Jack’s boss. She was a lovely woman that Mickey enjoyed being around, one that reminded him so much of home. 

“Mickey!” The girl laughed, running towards him in heels to give him a hug. “I’ve been wondering if I was ever going to see that beautiful face of yours again.” She reached up and pinched his cheeks, making him laugh. Veronica hit it off immediately with Mickey, being from the same area as him. Her husband used to run a bar that Mickey’s father hung out at even. The three had a sort of unspoken love and appreciation for each other, and Mickey loved them greatly for it. 

“I apologize for being absent from these lately, my band has been touring.” He explained, and immediately Jack cut in. 

“Oh yes, my musician has been quite busy with his little hobby.” 

“My job.” Mickey whispered under his breath, but it didn’t faze Jack in the lightest. Instead he broke into a conversation about the company they were thinking of partnering with, and Mickey zoned out a little. That was until he heard a familiar name slip out of Veronica’s mouth.

“Oh my god, is that Ian Gallagher?” She whispered, immediately catching Mickey’s attention from the small spot on his shoe that he’d been staring at. “Ian!” Mickey turned around as the red-head looked up. A small smile covered Ian’s face, one that was rarely seen, until his eyes fell on Mickey and then Jack. The smile faltered, but Ian moved towards them none-the-less. He was dressed up, his red hair slicked back the slightest. 

“Vee,” Ian said, his voice full of love and happiness, “Oh my god.” They immediately went in for a hug and followed it with a hug from her husband, Kevin. 

“Where the hell have you been? Seven years of disappearing off the face of the earth? Do you know how many rants I’ve heard from your sister?” She lightly slapped his arm but he smiled as he pulled back. 

“It’s been a lot,” Kevin chimed in, smiling. 

“I’ve missed you guys so much.” Ian whispered. 

“Oh my gosh I need photos of everyone dancing tonight for your sister. Ian baby, you find a partner and I’ll get you in the shot with Jack and Mickey.” At the Jack looked up in surprise and shook his head.

“No, I’m afraid I don’t dance.” He said softly, “you’ll have to exclude me from this one Vee.”

“Veronica.” Veronica reminded him, then turned back to Ian and Mickey, a small spark in her eyes. “You two then. Dance. Go.”

“Wha-” Mickey began to protest, his heart speeding up, but Ian only held out a hand to Mickey. Veronica and Kevin were staring at him so intensely and Jack’s eyes were begging for him to do something, so he turned to Ian. And he took his hand. Ian led him towards the middle of the dance floor as a new song started, then turned him around, staring into his eyes.

“It’s like prom all over again.” He whispered, wrapping an arm around Mickey’s waist and grabbing his hand. 

“Watch it,” Mickey narrowed his eyes, “my fiancé is here and I’d rather he not know that we slept together.” Ian smiled then, pulling Mickey closer and spinning him around a little before leaning down and whispering in his ear.

“Let’s give him a show then, shall we?” Mickey looked up to protest once more, but they were already dancing around a little. Ian’s hand was firmly set on his waist, and his eyes were so intensely staring at Mickey’s. They were so close that Mickey could feel the heat through their suits, could hear every breath that Ian let out, a small smile on his lips. And they stayed that way for what seemed like ages, spinning and smiling. Mickey’s heart was beating impossibly fast so that he could practically hear his own heartbeat. He felt himself moving closer, almost by impulse, towards Ian. So close that the could feel his breath.

The song stopped. 

Mickey almost impulsively jumped out of Ian’s arms, looking back to his fiancé, who’s mouth was set in a firm line. He took one last look at Ian before walking to Jack and placing a small kiss to his lips. It felt almost wrong to do so, the kiss being foreign and different. And when he turned back around to look for Ian, he was gone. 

 

-

 

“I’m tired,” Mickey mumbled, crawling into bed at Jack took his tie off, walking into the closet, “why are those parties always so tiring?”

“Maybe it was your dance.” Jack offered, his voice harsh and rude towards Mickey. Suddenly, Mickey’s heart sped up in an unwanted way. 

“What?” he asked, frozen in place on their bed.

“Well, I was wondering something.” Jack said, looking at Mickey, “when were you going to tell me that Ian Gallagher was here? Like I knew he looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it.” He exited the closet then, holing up a small piece of paper. “the photo. You dated him. This was the guy that broke your heart?”

“Jack…” Mickey said softly.

“No, don’t. Tell me Mickey, what about him made you stare at him like you never stopped loving him?”


	7. Cigarettes in the Rain

“What?” The words came out automatically, almost like it wasn’t even Mickey that had said them. His voice sounded hollow and numb, an automated tone that wasn’t really his. He was frozen, looking into the eyes of a man he thought he had loved, listening to his accuse Mickey of still being in love with Ian. He wasn’t entirely wrong of course, but no one would have said it. 

“You still love him Mikhailo.” Jack sighed, walking to the edge of the bed and sitting on it. He words were soft but his eyes held anger and resentment in them. Mickey had seen this look in his father, his siblings, hell even himself back home. To see it in his own fiancé while he looked at him however, hit a place that Mickey thought was invincible. 

“I’m not.” He said softly, his voice shaking, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the situation or from the hesitance in saying those words. “Jack, I’m not in love with him. He was an old fling, seven years old. This? This is now, and this is us being engaged. I love you, and I want to marry you.” Jack’s eyes still held that same hesitation, and his words came sharp.

“Prove it.” He said, turning to face Mickey. “Two weeks. In two weeks we get married and I take some time off. We can start a life together.” His hand slowly came up to rest on the side of Mickey’s cheeks, his hands were ice cold. Mickey paused, thinking about how Ian had left him, and how he’d just been in the bar they played at. He thought of the feeling of being in the boy’s arms once more and how much he loved that sensation. The butterflies he had in his stomach every time he looked into his eyes. The feeling of warmth always being there. A place to call home. But just as fast as that came, Mickey remembered all of the years he spent away from Ian, trying to pull himself out of a depression from his absence. He remembered how nice it felt to be wanted and have that security in his life. 

“Yes.” Mickey found himself nodding, the words still not sounding like his own. If felt as if someone had overtaken his body, and Mickey was just a person on stand-by. He was watching as he and Jack hugged. They never kissed, an odd thing that Mickey used to hate about him. They had kissed a few times, mostly for occasions. It was almost like they only did it if they had to. “Yes, I’ll marry you in two weeks.”

“Great,” Jack whispered, “I’ll set up the invitations and rush for a chapel. I figure you’ll need a good twenty invites a most? I know you have your siblings, but I doubt you have that many friends from Chicago.” Mickey nodded a little. “We’re doing this. I’ll ask Veronica to take you shopping, as I doubt you have a suit for a wedding, and I will handle the rest.”

 

-

 

Mandy hated being woken up. This was no secret. Ever since she was a girl, she’d gotten upset and moody when people woke her up early, causing them to all make a pact not to do it. This raised a slight alarm in her head when she heard the loud banging on her door at six in the morning. Groaning, she rolled over and put as much effort into getting up as she could. By this, she lazily hit Julio’s chest until he got up to go answer the door. When he returned a few moments later, he wasn’t alone.

“Mandy, Mickey is here.” Julio said softly, shaking her shoulder a bit, “I’ll go make you coffee.” She smiled tiredly, sitting up as she stared at him in a goofy way.

“Thank you.” She whispered, then turned to Mickey. “Now, why the hell are you in my room at six in the morning? Is something mentally wrong with you or?” Mickey looked down, shaking his head at the question and walked to his sister. He sat down next to her, sinking slightly into the bed and waiting until he found his voice.

“We’re getting married?” He tried, causing a small look of confusion to pass over Mandy’s face.

“You and Jack? Mickey you’ve been engaged for months that’s kind of what that ring on your finger means. Have you been smoking the hard stuff again? You know that it took you forever to stop being scared of going near ducks the last time you did that.” Regardless of the statement she reached up and pressed a hand to his shoulder. 

“No, me and Jack. In two weeks.” He whispered, looking up at Mandy, who’s eyes were wide with shock.

“I’m happy for you?”

“Mandy…” he narrowed his eyes, earning a look from her.

“Well you know that he doesn’t even want me there. I don’t know what you want me to say Mick. As long as you’re happy with this than I’m happy for you. Either way, you know what you need to do.” He nodded, a small frown falling onto his face as he dreaded what was going to come next. He loved Jack, and it was time for them to start a life together.

“I need to let go of Ian.”

 

-

 

Ian sat in the dim bar, filled with only a few people that came in early. The bar never started to fill up until five, so at just past noon, it was pretty barren. Svetlana was around of course, and Julio was meant to stop by later with Karen, so they could get some food after Ian’s shift tonight. It had become a tradition that started a long time ago, one that they kept every Sunday night. It would continue in sun or rain, such as an afternoon like this one. It was gloomy and dark in the city already, which reflected Ian’s mood since the party. He shouldn’t have put Mickey in that position, but he did anyways. 

As the clock ticked on an a few minutes went by, Ian expected Julio to be the one walking in tapping his shoulder. He could have used his best friend to talk to, someone to get his mind off of Mickey. Instead, when he turned it was the boy he was attempting to forget about. His hair was pressed to his head in dark wet curls, and his blue eyes were wide and sad.

“I need to talk to you… now.” He said it in a voice that Ian had never quite heard before. It was quick and sad. Ian froze, a bottle in hand, and nodded just a little, unsure of what else to say to that. He was expecting Mickey to be upset with him, to ignore him or go a separate way. He wasn’t expecting the boy to just show up at his work asking to speak to him. 

“Yeah. Yeah, ok, here?” He asked, and Mickey shook his head just a bit, walking away to the door with the neon exit sign under it. Ian looked over at Svetlana, who’d been watching. She nodded, and quickly he sat down the bottle and ran out from behind the counter and to the door. Mickey was leaning under the same area as a few weeks ago, trying to once again light a cigarette. Ian, just for a moment, lost his ability to breath and walked to Mickey. “Mick? Is everything ok?”

Mickey looked up, his eyes meeting with Ian’s. They were so beautifully blue in the foggy color around them, contrasting with his darkened hair and pale skin that tinted with pink from the chill in the air. They were wide too, making him look like a small and vulnerable child. Ian thought back to the last time he saw that look, the day that Mickey came out to his dad. It’d gone horribly wrong, as expected, but he’d been staring at Ian from across the bar with that same look in his eyes. The fear of the unknown. 

“Ian, I have to tell you something.” Mickey’s voice came out strong, but somehow quiet at the same time. 

“Mickey please don’t.” Ian found himself saying, though he didn’t feel like he’d spoken the words. “Whatever it is, don’t say it.” He walked forward, into Mickey’s personal space. The smaller boy, pausing, looked up at him with that same look. Ian found his hands wondering up, cupping the sides of Mickey’s face.

“Ian…” Mickey said softly, a tear falling from his eyes as his voice started to shake. Ian shook his head, leaning forward, and placing his lips to Mickey’s forehead. When he pulled back, Mickey’s eyes had become red with tears, making them even more blue. And he was grabbing Ian’s shirt, pulling him down so their lips pressed together in a kiss like Ian had never felt. It was so wildly full of passion and emotion, but held a certain softness to it. He reached up, tangling his hand into Mickey’s hair, and pulling him closer. Then Mickey pulled back. 

“I’m getting married in two weeks.” He whispered finally, his voice cracking and raw sounding. And in that moment, Ian’s heart shattered like he’d never felt it before. He could feel the emptiness of the statement in his stomach, twisting and turning. “I came to say goodbye Ian.”

“No,” Ian shook his head, “Mickey don’t do this. We can fix this. Please don’t do this.” Ian asked him, and Mickey’s eyes blinked furiously to rid of the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.   
“I have to let you go Ian.” Mickey tried, running his hand across the side of Ian’s face, tracing that freckled skin before he truly had to say goodbye. In the span of seconds, he was trying to remember everything before he walked away.

“You don’t.” Ian tried again, but looking into the eyes of the boy in front of him, he knew that it wasn’t going to work. This was it. This was Mickey walking away from him like he’d done so many years before. At least Mickey had the guts to say goodbye properly. Their lips met one more time into an even slower kiss yet, and Ian felt just a little of that pain melt away. And then Mickey was gone, leaving Ian standing in the rain with a half-bent cigarette on the ground. He left with only a ‘goodbye Ian.’


	8. Church Bells Ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, quick update kiddos. I'm sorry this took so long, but i'm working on an extra long holiday fic for when December hits. Also, THIS IS NOT THE END. I know it seems a little like it, but this story still has a bit to go, and more issues to come! Love ya, -V.

The two weeks before the wedding flew by in a wicked whirl. Mickey threw himself into music and the wedding, trying to avoid even a thought about Ian. All that seemed to lead to however was a collection of songs that were written about the boy. It was something he hadn’t written about since he was a teenager, and it still felt the same. Either way, they’d wound up under the lot of clothes in his dresser that Jack would never touch. 

He’d shoved the last one under an old shirt, putting his guitar back on its stand in the corner of the room. He was supposed to be meeting Mandy at the suit shop to double check that everything was absolutely perfect before the wedding tomorrow. Then after that, Iggy and the boys were taking him out to go get drinks on his last night as an unmarried man. He should be excited, getting ready to get married after all of these years, and yet he felt like he’d been sucked into a pool of water, and he was sinking. 

He pushed the thought out of his head and went downstairs to hail a taxi and head to the suit place. It was only a few blocks down and when he arrived, Mandy was already waiting inside, pacing back and forth with a coffee in her hand. There was another man who’d helped Mickey pick out the suit, and if Mandy hadn’t been in there with him, he was sure they’d have kicked her out. She was a bit of a mess, with freshly died streaks in her hair, a ripped shirt, and makeup that was far too dark. 

“Finally!” She whispered angrily as Mickey came into the shop, “Mick, I’ve been here like half an hour. You better at least show up to your wedding on time.” She walked towards him, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him towards the man that was supposed to get him dressed.

“Ah, Mr. Milkovich.” The man said, then paused. “or is it too soon to say Mr. Hunter?” he smiled, making Mickey pause. He’d never considered not having the last name Milkovich. It was such an iconic part of growing up in the southside, being a Milkovich. Being anything other than Mikhailo Milkovich seemed wrong. 

“Still Milkovich.” He said. The man nodded, leading him to the back room where the suit he was to wear sat. It felt the same as it did when he put it on weeks ago. It was a nice fitting sit, but much more expensive than he would have ever worn. Jack insisted on paying for it though, claiming that only a designer is worthy on their wedding day. And despite having tried it on weeks ago, Mandy still had the same gasped reaction. 

“Shit Mick, you look handsome for once.” She said, but her voice held no real insult. “it’s almost perfect too.”

“Almost?!” the guy selling the suit exclaimed, looking horrified for a moment. “But it is a Brunello Cucinelli! This suit is five thousand dollars, and you say it is not perfect?” Mickey couldn’t help but grin at the man’s disgust. Mandy only shook her head though, and stood up, pulling something out of her pocket.

“Hold out your hand.” She commanded, and Mickey did as he was told, “I know that the suit wasn’t your idea Mick. I thought this could help though,” she grinned and handed him cuff-links with small music notes on them. Mickey paused, the weight of what he was going to be doing tomorrow crashing down on him, and he pulled Mandy in for a hug. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“I just want you to be happy.”

 

-

 

“Are you every going to talk again?” Julio tried, poking Ian’s side. He’d been trying to get Ian to spill what had happened for days now, and he wouldn’t budge. He was afraid that if he told his best friend what happened, he wouldn’t be able to handle the situation anymore. He was afraid that if he spoke those words, it would all break, everything he’d fought to push away.

“Drop it.” Ian said, causing Julio to sigh and hold up his hands. 

“I’m just saying man, maybe I could help.” He tried, but Ian was having none of it. He’d been taking so much overtime that Svet has had to kick him out of the bar two times already. He figured that if he stayed in the small bar long enough, maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with any thoughts of Mickey. If he was here, then he wasn’t going to have to deal with anything dealing with the boy.

“You can’t fix this.” Ian said softly, making Julio frown. At that moment a boy ran into the bar, followed by a few others. They were happy and singing and drunk, and Ian envied them a little. It reminded him of when he was young, and they would get drunk at Kevin’s bar, laughing until the early morning. Finally, the back of the group moved in, and a boy with overgrown brown hair was leading another blindfolded boy who was laughing and smiling. And Ian felt like the world had broken.

Mickey was smiling, his eyes covered by a thick blind fold as his brother Iggy led him into the room yelling ‘bar keep, it’s my brother’s last night as an unmarried man, I desire the bear!’ Ian froze, his hand pausing from the cup he was cleaning, and he just stared. So, he wasn’t lying, tomorrow Mickey Milkovich was going to be married. His Mickey was going to go a start a life with someone that wasn’t going to be him. Mickey sat down, pulling the blindfold off his eyes, and he too froze. Their eyes met, and a thought crossed Ian’s mind that this wasn’t supposed to happen. Their story was supposed to be over, their goodbye through. 

“Ian?” Julio spoke up to his side, grabbing the cup from his hand, “Ian look at me.” Numbly, he turned to look at Julio, who’d set the cup on the counter. “Go home Ian. It’s ok.”

Ian nodded, turning as fast as he could to walk to the door with the small exit sign. He was practically running out of it, and by the time the door opened, he’d broken into a sprint. He ran until he couldn’t feel the burn in his chest anymore, until the pain in his legs hurt worse than the pain in his stomach. And he realized where he was. A small park, by the edge of a fountain, a good mile from the bar. And finally, for the first time in two weeks, Ian broke down. He held a hand on the side of the fountain, bracing himself as he sunk to the ground, letting the sob building in his throat escape. 

 

-

 

Mickey definitely regretted the amount of drinking he’d done the night before, because he could feel it as he got ready at the church. He’d been banished to the back room, where he and Iggy were getting ready for the ceremony, which started in only a few minutes. Mandy had stopped by, crying a little, then returned to her seat in the crowd, cursing Jack for not letting her be part of the wedding committee.

“You’re on in two.” A woman said, poking her head into the room. Mickey nodded, looking in the mirror one last time. This was it… he was about to go out there and become Mr. Hunter.

“Mickey, you look like you’re about to be sick.” Iggy said, looking up from his phone for a slight moment. 

“I feel like it.” Mickey sighed, rubbing his head. He shook out his arms, then looked to his brother once more, who was putting away his phone and standing up. They made their way to the door, and walked through it. There was a large crowd of people that Mickey didn’t really recognize other than Mandy, Veronica and Kevin. They were beaming at him, but there was something else mixed with their facial expressions. 

He made his way down the isle where Jack stood, attempting to drown out the shitting music playing as he walked. He walked to the stand, turning to look at the boy in front of him. He’d convinced Jack to let the ceremony at least be short enough to where he didn’t want to kill himself, so the priest jumped into things pretty fast. Only a good ten minutes of standing, listening to words he couldn’t focus on, when he heard the only words he’d caught.

“Do you Jackson Brady Hunter take Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich to be your husband, to love and to hold, through sickness and health, until death do you part?” The priest spoke, and Mickey felt his heart drop a little. Jack whispered an ‘I do’. “Do you Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich take Jackson Brady Hunter to you your husband, to love and to hold, through sickness and health, until death do you part?”

“I-” he barely got the word out, his voice cracking. There were so many people staring at him, faces paling with ever moment that he didn’t give an answer. He felt like he couldn’t breath as every moment him and Jack would spend together flashed before his eyes. Every fucking perfect moment. Then he remembered the photo he had sitting in the back of his wallet, only a room away. A picture of two boys, in their teenage years, laughing on a bed, so in love with one another. He looked at Jack again, and he couldn’t feel the same warmth he got from that photo. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t do this to me.” Jack said softly, grabbing Mickey’s hands. “I love you Mikhailo. I’ve always loved you. Don’t ruin this. What will they all say?” Them. Mickey pulled his hands away slowly, then turned to face the crowd of people staring at them. And he took the first step, and broke into a run, only stopping to grab that wallet. 

It was raining by the time he’d gotten outside as well, but that didn’t stop him. It was the end of work, so he took off into a sprint instead of going to get a cab. Ian’s apartment was only a few blocks away, and it was going to be worth it. He pushed himself as hard as he could, until his lungs felt like they were going to burst, then he pushed harder, running into Ian’s apartment building.   
He ran all the way up the stairs, avoiding the other people living there the best that he could, and ran to Ian’s door, knocking. He had to be home. And then the door was unlocking, and there he was, his eyes wide, looking at Mickey. Must have been a sight to, Mickey in a suit covered in water, breathing heavily as he looked Ian over. 

“Mickey?”

“I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to let you go again. I can’t do that Ian. Not… not when I still love you.” He breathed, and he truly meant it. “I love you Ian Gallagher and I never stopped loving you.” Ian reached forward, grabbing the lapels of the suit Mickey was wearing and pulled him close until their lips met, and they were kissing. It was the same spark, the same everything as when he was a teenager. It was almost like a spark or a flame, as Ian’s good friend, Julio, would have described it. You can never really name it, but it’s such a beautiful and familiar feeling, like a warm wave washing over you. And Mickey finally understood that feeling with every inch of his body. 

“I love you too.”


	9. Kiss away the pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this story wasn't done.

Sun was shining in through the dusty windows when Ian started to wake up, a little confused as to who the fuck was sleeping on top of his chest. Then it all came back to him. Mickey. It was so odd, everything seeming more like a strange dream than reality. Ian went to sleep, ready to wake up to an empty bed and an empty bottle of liquor by the side of his bed, but it wasn’t like that. With every breath he could feel the weight of Mickey’s head, his soft hair brushing against Ian’s fingers, his breath coming out in hallow puffs against his skin. 

When people asked him what day he would want to relive over and over again, Ian already decided that from now on this would be his answer. It seemed like everything was paused except for them. Like the whole world had simply stopped for these two to be together and happy even if just for a second, and Ian would take it. It was perfect. 

Ian took his hand, running it through the small locks of hair falling into Mickey’s eyes, causing the boy on his chest to stir slightly, burying his face into Ian’s chest in protest to waking up. Ian smiled a little before he grabbed Mickey’s hand, intertwining their fingers together, and he felt Mickey squeeze his hand. Slowly, the dark-haired boy lifted his head up to look at Ian, his eyes squinted and glazed from sleep. Ian felt his heart flip.

“Hey.” Mickey whispered, a content smile settling upon his lips, as if he couldn’t believe he was here either. 

“Hey,” Ian managed to breath out. Mickey seemed so content, and Ian really knew he shouldn’t say something, but he needed to get it over with before they continued with… whatever they were now. What were they? What do you call the love of your life who just ran out of his wedding to be with you, even after you hadn’t talked in seven years? “Are we going to talk about this?”

“… Yeah.” Mickey sighed, flipping over so he could lay next to Ian instead, not taking his hand out of Ian’s hand. 

“You ran out of your wedding, Mick.”

“I ran out of my wedding.” Mickey nodded, letting out a shaky breath. He was scared, and Ian didn’t blame him. “Honestly? I knew. Some part of me knew from the moment I saw you at the bar the night that we played. I knew it wasn’t over between us Ian. Hell, I don’t think it ever truly was over between us.” 

“I’m sorry.” Ian whispered. Mickey sat up at an almost inhuman speed, looking at Ian in horror and surprise.

“You’re not changing your mind about us, are you?”

“No!” Ian reached out, pulling Mickey back down into his arms and placing a small kiss on the top of his head. “I meant that I’m sorry I left without telling you why. I should have. I needed to, but I was scared, and if I told you I never would have left. In hind-sight that was an even stupider decision on my part than anything else I could have done.”

“Why did you leave me?” Mickey’s voice was so soft and small, causing Ian to tighten his grip on Mickey. Then Ian let out a laugh.

“You remember when we first slept together, you told me you’d cut my tongue out of my mouth if I kissed you? You didn’t want shit to do with me if we weren’t hooking up. I thought it was so stupid, you running because you were afraid of something. And god, you became so fucking brave Mickey. I never told you how brave you were, but you were. And I fell in love with you. I fell head over heals for you Mickey, and I don’t regret that for one minute. There’s… there’s something you don’t know about me though Mickey.”

“You can tell me.”

“I’m bipolar. I wanted to tell you so badly, but you told me you loved me, and I thought… I just… I didn’t think you could love someone who could ruin you so much. I saw what this did to my father every time Monica had a bad day, and I couldn’t do that to you Mickey. I loved you too much to put you through that. So, I left because I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to break you in that sort of way.”

“Ian.” Ian looked to Mickey, who was staring at him so intensely that everything else seemed to disappear in the world. It was them, and only them, in their own little universe that they made all by themselves. “I could never… I will never stop loving you. I want all of you, even the bad parts, and if that means I have some shitty days to work through with you, then we work through them. I’m all in Ian.” Ian brought his hand up, to the side of Mickey’s face, and brought their lips together, making both of their hearts skip and swell in warmth at the familiar feeling of the situation. 

“I never thought I’d see you again.” Ian managed between his lips leaving Mickey’s and moving to the boy’s neck. Mickey’s hand came up to tangle into Ian’s hair.

“I love you.”

 

-

 

It didn’t take long before an aggressive knock came to the door, making both Mickey and Ian sigh as they pulled away from the lazy make out session they were having on the couch. It seemed neither of them wanted to leave the other one at the moment. Ian in that moment, decided he would much rather punch whoever was knocking at his door. Fortunately, the person decided to open the door and waltz in.

“I figured you’d be here.” Mandy said, crossing her arms as she stood in front of them. “So, this is happening again? You two are giving this another shot?”

“It’s great to see you too, Mandy.” Ian groaned, sitting up fulling and running his fingers through his hair to try and smooth it over. 

“Shut it Gallagher.” Mandy narrowed her eyes. “Mickey, I need to know if you’re completely done with Jack before I decide how to continue this conversation.” 

“God, yes. I’m one hundred percent in love with Ian.”

“Thank fuck. I thought I was gonna have to put up with that dick. Ian, I’m sorry I told you to shut it, I love you. Never leave us. I never want to meet another Jack ever.” She walked to the couch, plopping down in between the two boys and smiling. “I missed you two being together. And I hate to bring bad news, but all of your instruments are at Jack’s and we have an interview tomorrow, so Iggy plans on going with you. I wonna come though when you pick it up.”

“Why?”

“If he’s there, I have an excuse to punch that dick in the face. By the way have you figured out where you’re staying?” Everyone stopped at that. They still hadn’t figured out what they were exactly. Would it be too soon to move in together? 

“You can stay here,” Ian decided on offering, making Mickey smile as he looked down.

“I’d like that.”

“I take it back; all this happiness is bad for my stomach.” Mandy rolled her eyes.


	10. New Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear i'll update more when I get the time. Getting ready for college is stressful.

Mickey put out his cigarette as he looked up at the building before him for the last time. He’d already sent a text off to Jack, saying that he’d be stopping by to grab his stuff today. His ex had responded with a nonchalant ‘I’ll leave the door open,’ and that was it. They weren’t going to both with unnecessary words or meetings. They were over and that was that. 

So, him, Iggy, and Mandy all went inside, and up to the room that they needed to. Upon entering, they saw that Jack had already set out an empty suit case and placed some of Mickey’s stuff on the bed for him to take with him. They immediately got to work on getting all of his clothes and items together so that they wouldn’t be left behind. Mickey made sure to grab the songs that he’d hidden, and the most important item of them all. He made sure to grab his camera and photos from the back of the closet where it’d sat for so long. It was time for it to be out and in the open again. 

Iggy had run off to grab the stuff in the bathroom, and Mandy the living room, so Mickey sat down and started looking through the photos. They were from so long ago, but the feeling they gave him when they were first taken still stirred inside of him. Mickey put the pile of songs he’d written about Ian into the box and smiled to himself. They were where they belonged now. 

“Hey, Mick, I think we got everything,” Mandy smiled, coming into the room as Mickey stood up. “You ready to go?” Mickey nodded, turning to zip his suitcase shut. As he lifted the top to close it, he noticed a piece of paper that he hadn’t see before. A note in Jack’s handwriting. 

‘Mickey,

I remembered your camera after you left me, and I saw the photos. I get it now, why you left me. You never truly did love me, did you? Don’t worry about it. I think you two looked good together. You looked happy together. In the end that’s all I could ever want for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

 

Jack.’

Mickey swallowed a lump in his throat and set the paper down. He walked to the small desk next to the bed and grabbed a pen, writing ‘I’m sorry’ at the bottom of the page. Then he took off his ring, setting it down beside his note. A goodbye. Jack deserved that at least. He wasn’t a bad person, and deep down, Mickey knew that. They just weren’t meant to be together.

Mickey was just zipping the suitcase closed when his phone started ringing. He pulled it out, but it wasn’t a number he recognized. Lifting it to his ear, Mickey whispered a hello, and everything was changed. 

 

-

 

It felt good to be back at work, and Ian was in a way better mood today than he had been for quite a long time. He was on top of it, getting drinks in record time, laughing, and even chatting with all the customers. Svetlana even seemed to be impressed that he was bad to his usual self, even if this was a perkier version of his old self. 

“What has gotten into you, ya weirdo?” Karen laughed from her corner of the bar. She was back to report on some smaller band on the rise, a girl group. Ian could tell that they weren’t really her style, but she was ok with spending a night working in bar. “You’re being all weird and happy. It’s kinda throwing off my ‘world sucks and everyone else does too’ vibe I had going. Honestly, tone down the happiness.”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Julio laughed, joining his two friends by the bar. “He’s finally getting laid again.” He laughed even harder when Ian reached around and hit him with a rag that was on the bar. 

“Oh, who’s the mystery man?” Karen was practically leaning out of her seat the moment Julio had spoken. He lived for this shit. Ian was certain she made up for her own lack of a relationship by listening to everyone else’s. 

“That’s not really up for knowing at this point.” Ian smiled, his mind filling with the way that Mickey had looked in his bed only this morning. 

“No fair,” Karen pouted, leaning back in her seat. “I was hoping for some sort of information on anyone’s relationship. We haven’t gone out in forever, you have to keep me updating on this stuff guys.”

“If it makes you feel better,” Julio smiled, “I can announce that I’m going steady with someone. She’s amazing. Really. She makes my whole world feel complete the moment she walks into the room. I’ve never felt anything like it.” 

“You’re both seriously in a relationship?”

“yep.”

“And I can’t know anything about either of them?”

“Nope.”

“You guys suck.”

 

-

 

By the time that Ian got back to the apartment, Mickey was already unpacked. He was laying in bed with the lights off, but he was playing with his phone. He looked up when Ian entered the room, and smiled, motioning for his boyfriend to come closer. Ian smiled, slipping off his jacket, and walked towards the bed as Mickey sat up, sitting on his knees. Out of nowhere, he grabbed Ian, pulling him into an intense kiss, and pulling him onto the bed, making Ian laugh as they both fell onto it.

“What’s into you?” Ian laughed between kisses. Mickey was smiling like crazy, and his eyes where practically sparkling, even in the darkness.

“I got signed.” Mickey whispered, pulling back a little. Ian pulled back too, his eyes wide and happy.

“Really?!” 

“Yeah!” Mickey laughed, and Ian was pulling him into another kiss. “They asked to speak with us in person tomorrow to finish the deal, but it’s pretty much done Ian. We did it. We’re a signed band.” He was pretty much buzzing in excitement at this point. 

“We have to celebrate then.” Ian grinned, feeling more at home than he ever had before.


End file.
